I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
