So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
