meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
