i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
