Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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