I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
