My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
