oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
