if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
