next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
nutella sex= disaster
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
