exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
