Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
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