garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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