Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Your cock deserves a montage
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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