I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
