My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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