shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
