she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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