AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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