Jerry, you need to find god
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
