Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
