i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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