do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Boobs are out for the taking
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
