Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
