Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize