I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
