i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
