I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
