You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
