well I can't set my house on fire every night
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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