He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize