take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
