i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
