Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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