dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
