the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
