your parents love me but you hate me
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
