3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
