never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Randomize
