I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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