Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
