Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
