My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
