went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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