I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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