just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I want to be your penis for a week.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
