god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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