I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
