Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
