dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Houston, we have a squirter
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
