Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
