Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
