I wish my penis had an off switch
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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