What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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