I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
