if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
