he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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