I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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