i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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