you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
