woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
