dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
