your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
