Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sober January is a disaster.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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