You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
