I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i dont even know how to be here
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
