the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we're making bets on your personal life
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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