Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
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I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
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He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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